You stood together in front of family, friends and God, pledging your love and commitment to one another. Now, one of you is in the middle of deconstructing your faith in religion & God. Beliefs that were once sacredly-held and welded you together, now seem to push you apart.

Few experiences are as terrifying, lonely and destabilizing in relationships as diverging from ‘the plan’ you made together. While a faith transition can be a major disruption in marriage, it doesn’t have to be what separates you. Couples often find that when their marriage is stripped of shared faith, it exposes the soft and tender spots (like poor communication or conflict resolution skills) that are already present in the relationship that may have been masked previously. These soft spots, when left unattended, are the things that can ultimately doom a relationship. 

Without care, big shifts in beliefs can disrupt relationships. Each of you may be experiencing similar feelings of grief, isolation and fear – but for very different reasons and in your own unique ways. You both may see your partner as the offender, and treat them as such.

The partner who has experienced a loss of faith or a shift in beliefs may be feeling isolated, judged, or “untethered”. This is new territory, and your partner’s fears and reactions may exacerbate these feelings.

The partner who is still “all in” may be experiencing fear, confusion, or abandonment. They may be experiencing feelings of betrayal, particularly if they didn’t see it coming.

These are difficult dynamics that definitely call for professional help. You’ll need to approach your relationship in a different way, while finding shared values and creating a new sense of shared meaning and purpose together. Mixed-faith marriages can not only survive, but thrive if both of you are willing to put values over beliefs, your partner before your fears, and open the relationship to a generous helping of empathy and curiosity.

Click the button below for a free consultation about next best steps in your mixed-faith marriage.

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