You stood together in front of family, friends and God, pledging your love and commitment to one another. Now, one of you is in the middle of deconstructing your faith in religion & God. Beliefs that were once sacredly-held and welded you together, now seem to push you apart.

Few experiences are as terrifying, lonely and destabilizing as one partner disavowing the covenant that brought you together.  While some couples do not find a way to stay married after a faith crisis, it doesn’t have to be what separates you. Couples often find that when their marriage is stripped of shared faith, it exposes the soft and tender spots in the relationship that may have been masked previously. These soft spots are the things that ultimately doom relationships.  You may see your partner as the offender, and treat them as such.

Without care, big shifts in beliefs can disrupt relationships. Each of you may be experiencing similar feelings of grief, isolation and fear – but for very different reasons and in your own unique ways.

The partner who has experienced a loss of faith or a shift in beliefs may be feeling isolated, judged, or “untethered”. This is new territory, and your partner’s fears and reactions may exacerbate these feelings.

The partner who is still in a  posture of faithfulness may be experiencing fear, confusion, or abandonment. A partner who disavows a shared faith may seem untrustworthy, as they may have kept their loss of faith hidden or protected.

These are difficult dynamics that definitely call for professional help. You’ll need to approach your relationship in a different way, while finding shared values and creating a new sense of shared meaning and purpose together. Mixed-faith marriages can not only survive, but thrive if both of you are willing to put values over beliefs, your partner before your fears, and open the relationship to a generous helping of empathy and curiosity.

Click the button for a free consultation about your mixed-faith marriage.